pinto luego existo

Professions that shouldn’t exist, part one: Human Resources

Okay, this blog is beginning to resemble more and more “What really grinds my gears” by Peter Griffin.

But screw that, let’s get back to the point. For any of you human resources people reading this, I don’t care that I will never get my CV read by you ever again, because frankly, I don’t really think you CAN read.

Here is a list of bullshit:

  1. What is HR, really? It’s the official profession of large female mouth-breathers and people who have no ambition. It is closest thing to working for the government outside of…working for the government. The whole department is an entrenched intracorporate bureaucracy which spends its days finding cipherlike ways to spend money, mainly to justify its own existence. They are a bunch of under qualified people that think they have the right to asses your knowledge, your accomplishments based on the company’s set of rules. But tell me this: can a HR guy tell me something about the golden ratio, about the color theories, or even the difference between RGB and CMYK? Although in certain countries, HR has been present since the agricultural days of the 1900s, I find it very hard to believe that they have the skill to know whether or not I’m bluffing in my CV, if I’m bullshitting in the interviewing process just to seem like I am a genius in design.
  2. Managers perennially ask why employees don’t do what they are supposed to do. While part of the responsibility falls on choices individual employees make, managers need to shoulder part of the blame, too. On stupid HR people that don’t know what a job requirement is. Employees want to succeed at work. I don’t know a single person who gets up in the morning and says, “I think I’ll go to work to suck donkey balls today.” Many of the reasons employee responsibility fails are due to a failure in the employee management systems. Shouldn’t the HR people know more about your job than you, the simple man? But then again, I ask you this: shouldn’t the senior designers in the company interview or look for the right candidate in their department? Whose fault is it when you get hired on a job that has hidden requirements?
  3. Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple provides this insight into HR (Source: Stepwise):

    Ms Smith (prospective vicepresident of HR at Apple) describes how Mr. Jobs was hostile from the start of the interview:

    He told me my background wasn’t suitable for the position. Sun is a good place, he said, but ‘Sun is no Apple,’ ” recalls Smith with a laugh. “He said he would have eliminated me as a candidate from the start.

    Jobs offered Ms Smith the opportunity to ask questions.

    She asked, “What is the corporate strategy?” Jobs replied, “We’re only disclosing our strategy on a ‘need-to-know’ basis.”

    Next, she asked why Jobs wanted a VP of Human Resources when it was well known that he was “not a big fan of HR.” According to Smith, Jobs replied,

    “I’ve never met one of you who didn’t suck. I’ve never known an HR person who had anything but a mediocre mentality.”

    After this, Jobs’s assistant knocked on the door, informing him that “the call you were waiting for is holding.” The interview was over, leaving Ms Smith’s emotions a smoking ruin.

  4. What the fuck is wrong with y’all?! There are thousands of people that send in e-mails, faking interest in your shitty companies, doing research to have that extra chance to a minimum wage, and what do you do?! YOU DON’T REPLY TO THEIR E-MAILS! FUCK YOU. Is it that you are one of the significantly large segment of the one-finger-keyboard-typing market? Is it that you are so fucking stupid that you cannot read or open documents? Is it that you simply ignore people while having your bitter coffee and doughnut every morning? Tell me, I am dying to know.
  5. Finally, when you do decide to call some poor schmuck to an interview, do you notify him of following interviews, in case there’s a final interview, or if he didn’t make it to the finals? NO, YOU DON’T, because you fucking suck. Even though there are some people, like myself, that are natural assholes, and insistently and politely write you a followup e-mail, asking you nicely if I should bother with your existence longer. Again, no answer. Die.

What do you think?


Filed under: hr, sucks


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